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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could instantly end communication with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Generation Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the phrases gen Z is using to talk about romance, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reply is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who forgo parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits confirm your choice to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {